12 Jul, 2014
Preview of the 2014 World Cup Final [via The Onion]
With the World Cup final between Germany and Argentina set to kick off on Sunday, Onion Sports previews the biggest and most popular sporting event on the planet.
The World Cup Final By The Numbers
- The match will be broadcast in more than 157 countries and 2 languages.
- Due to the time difference, the final’s local 4:00 p.m. start will be at 2:00 a.m. in Germany on August 19.
- More than 30 million totally uninformed conversations about whether Lionel Messi is the best player of all time will take place on Sunday.
- An average of 1 in every 11 players on the pitch will be a goalie.
- There will be more than 49 million yellow cards awarded by members of the worldwide viewing audience.
- Argentina star Lionel Messi is contractually obligated by Pepsi to score at least 2 goals in the final.
- Approximately 23 percent of young soccer players who aspire to someday play in the World Cup final will eventually do so.
- Over the course of the match, the average player will run 9.8 km, the equivalent of roughly 9,800 meters.
- The highly anticipated event is expected to generate more than $200 million in bribes for FIFA officials.
- It will take exactly 17 minutes and 39 seconds for fans to realize the match will in no way live up to its hype.
Check out more of The Onion’s full 2014 World Cup Final Preview at www.theonion.com.